So i thought my math was bad -__-

All i did this weekend was watch TV.. And by watching i mean flipping channels and here and there stopping at every Indian channel to hear a cry of agony about some one's plastic surgery face change or some vamps crazy tactic too woo the protagonist or just a hayee about some "masoom bechari larki ka badluck" and Cinderella type stepsisters ka 'atyachaar' (which BTW means cruelty). 

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? TOO MUCH TV THIS WEEKEND.

So anyhooooo. 

During all this flipping i came across this really intelligent commercial...  

Yaar, dekho naaa!

I know i never managed to do well in math. The 3 years i wasted on it, is my life's biggest fail. 

So basically. I'm a leeetul concerned here. 

Is it that i didn't pass because i knew my tables or didn't?

Whats a bigger fail than my 3 years on math, is this STUPID advertisement! 

Its literally making me cry at the B that i managed. I mean i am SOO fricking glad that my teacher knew that 3 times 3 is not 3. Or is it? o_O

I have nothing against this because its an Indian commercial or anything, their ads are kick-ass most of the time. But this is simply ridiculous.

The plot has a kid who wants long hair like a girl standing near by. The mother thinks growing hair has got something to do with a stay-at-home mom. Then the kid is all sad. And then, out of probably a 100 kids in that mall, the girl with long hair, turns out to be her teacher's daugher.

(Alright fine, thats not so bad. i mean its better than their usual double roles and crazy re-incarnations =P)

And then the crazy mind boggling math which is worse than my crazy calculus in A level.

So now the bitching.

Okay we understand that the new woman is about all corporate-y stuff, but hey, you CAN take time out to check once day if your kids have showered, cant you?

Im all on for women holding crazy important jobs and the fact that we need to be liberated from our family duties, the children and other things. But if you can roam around in a mall then you can surely work on improving your hair condition. And no mother says no to that. And in this day and age, everyone is aware of the products available, especially the woman who is not confined to the house at all.

So plot base. Teeeeeeeeeeeeent. FAIL.

But the maaaaaain issue is the math.

I mean a teacher is telling her student that 3 into 3 doesnt give 9 but rather 3? Okay too many numbers. Braaaainfreeeeeze.

Anyway, so the whole idea of a teacher being the saviour.
Lol. In your face.

The whole idea of an advertisement is to make the consumer aware of your products 'qualities'. We understand that youre able to help grow hair 3cm every 3 months but why would i buy your product at the expense of my intelligence?

The only thing which I really like about this ad is the shiny hair. 

Congratulations, Clinic Plus. You have succeeded in making the dumber..  oh sorry, how rude. The less than average intelligent children and a few illiterate mothers to drag their bums to their nearest store and grab a bottle of this magic 3x3=3 potion.

I wonder if the bigger sized bottle makes 6x6=6?



Okay so i think i should put this here before they take me to court or something:

I do not own this video. Its courtesy of youtube. 

Which is just second to Google btw. 
But I'm saving that post for later ;)

Sensitive. Killjoy. Me.

Last week's only highlight was child abuse campaign on Facebook. It annoyed the fuck out of me. I mean I really didn’t get the point of changing display pictures as a means of protest and awareness. As my personal protest I updated my status in hopes of finding some people out of a 1000 on my list who'd agree. And I think I found far many than I expected. But then there were those who just liked it because of the heated debate on it. 

"78 people have changed their profile pictures" 

I had no clue what was going on but then I remembered my sister telling me about some child abuse campaign thing till Monday. Till status updates its fine, but pictures? That is just absurd. I’m not against protesting or creating awareness. But all I am against, is how every digi-activism campaign eventually turns into a mockery of the cause. 

Child abuse is not something you can play on Facebook with. I have friends who have been victims and this issue has always been close to my heart. And by changing my picture I feel that I would be disrespecting them.

Do you actually think that a cartoon character will bring smiles to children who have been abused? It’s like saying that 'Oh you got your tooth pulled out ‘cause of cavities? Here, watch me have candy.'

I have been disagreed with and called sensitive for the past whole week because of the fact that I am not changing my picture and my protest is my status. And it kills me to see how easy it is for people to just say that it’s just "harmless" awareness. Just because something is harmless does not mean it’s useful. And if its not helping anyone then why the fuck are you doing it?

The idea behind my ranting is not to show disrespect towards those who actually care for the cause. It is just to tell them that there are better ways of showing support. Wearing a ribbon is symbolic, as my teacher says. But what is this a symbol for?

Changing your picture isn’t a symbol. What it just does is punch the kids, who've already been through a bad childhood, in the face and say here this is something you never got to enjoy because you were being beaten up etc. Why can’t we be a little more civil and show a tad bit of respect?

How many people do you personally know who thanked you for the changing your picture? 

ZERO

Our social responsibility goes beyond digi-activism. Although, this is the only morality we have left because we are scared of good old marching out on the streets and protesting. And I know we can’t get out on the streets and bring about overnight revolutions now as our predecessors could but we can still do our bit that is not on Facebook. I understand that it takes lots of people, lots of time and money and most of all lots of influence to actually do some sort of substantial work for causes like these.

Sitting at home in front of a computer screen and changing pictures can't really be awareness. My homepage is flooded with likes and comments which really aren't serving a 'cause'. Everyone is saying to me that the idea is to stir up a thought which eventually can be turned into a planned, organized protest or a cause.

Stirring up some awareness is alright, just till the point where people know the cause of the cause they are supporting. I have people on my homepage really having no clue but just following suit because 'oh that girl got so many comments on her picture, I’ll find a better looking Cinderella picture'. That's all I am against. 

I want people to say WTF a million times. But I want that call of what the fuck to be the ultimate eye opener that leads them to begin that planning that is needed. This is wtf shouldn’t be the same as a bra color status update would bring.

May be the person who initiated this did it for a whole different reason which may not be the same as what it became. I applaud the person for the efforts. But dude, sadly, your efforts just initiated flooding of homepages with cartoon characters – which btw weren’t even from the same era as the kids themselves (I don’t remember watching Betty Boop and Spongebob while growing up and I’m 18) – and Facebook to earn a couple million more that its usual in an hour with all the hits that people got on their pictures.

If you really support the cause, don’t change your picture back to old ones or for some, to hotter newer ones for a while. Why does your contribution have to be for 2 days? Have you ended child abuse in those two days? Kids who are still sewing footballs in Sialkot haven’t been helped. Kids in Afghanistan who are forced to be militants are still learning how to fire Kalashnikovs. The sex trade all over the world didn’t even stop for a single second. Those kids you are supporting don’t even know that youre supporting them. So whether you change your picture or tell the world where you like it- my purse that is- you are just mocking what some people may stand for by pretending to support it.

And if you really want to help and you cant trust the charities that claim to help then give it to UNICEF. Im sure we have faith in them because those “foreigners” will help.

But I think we’re able to help ourselves and those around us without the support from cartoon characters.

I really need people to understand my (non)participation.

My participation is to tell the idiots out there, who have no clue what they are supporting, that your efforts are not appreciated. And to tell the girls out there, seductive pictures of Betty, Veronica and other damsels will really just show the world your actual cause, which may just be to get people to like and comment on their pictures.

If you can’t do justice to a cause don’t support it. And if my non-participation will even cause 10 people to remember this day next year, I have succeeded in playing my part as a member of humanity. Because now, next year, same day, there will be 10 less people changing pictures to show support. Maybe those 10 people will make a 100 people realize that their contribution can be better and more supportive than a picture change.

I really hope that next campaign is a a lot more than just status updates and picture changing.

Dusty Weekend

Last months rotmun research finally found its use in my general essay. I felt like killing myself during those two hours that i sat there. Because using your 'research' for general is the lowest low one could have. It took me a month to get all those facts in order so i would get to go to Harvard MUN. 

But i guess thats where it was actually supposed to be used. I should really get over it now. 

Never again am i using nuclear, non-proliferation, Iran and Israel in one sentence -__-

All i can think of is how new year is gonna fall during Moharram. Not that i will wear black and head to the majlises. But its just gonna be a bad new year.

And its getting a weird sort of cold these days. My house is cold. The smell of winter is halfway here. But its not the cold i like. I go out wearing a hoodie and by the time i reach where im supposed to its not cold anymore.  

Im guessing i have to wait another couple of weeks so i can sip coffee all day without my mom screaming.

Midterms in a week, I havent even touched my books. 

I dont think im cool that way.

Yet another unproductive weekend.

One Hundred and Twenty-Five.

One hundred and twenty five could mean just about anything in this world right now.

But for me, one hundred and twenty five is the amount over which my mom and I bonded for the first time in quite a while.

But yesterday something strange happened. I went to the city’s most crowded bazaar with my mom. Where men stare at you as if you are from another planet and women just stare at you to know why men are staring so much.

The calls of ‘Baji, idher ajayen baji-best hai baji-pliss baji-bethen baji’ followed us. All went ignored until that one loud voice made us stop in our tracks.

That one look we exchanged is the only reason why my mum and I haven’t killed each other by now after all the fights we’ve had..

We entered this one dingy 10by10 shop in that crowded street to find ourselves in this familiar place that I last visited years ago, when my mom and I shared more than the to-the-point sentences we usually do now.

The walls had been stained by paan so much that the color seemed natural, seats with barely any cushion left on them, crates of drinks stacked against the wall and two fans buzzing loudly on the ceiling.

This shop was the gali’s best-est-est-est chaat ki dukaan.

Yes, a chaat ki dukaan.

Its funny how a meager 40 rupees chat can make you rethink the way you have felt about your mom in the past 6 years of your teenage life.

Ive always felt that she never understands me and we cant get along much. My dad gets so confused and amused at the same time because some days we’re best friends and on the others, arch enemies.

But here I was, laughing and eating and thinking how right now she was the only person who would’ve stopped to eat here with me without me having to say a single word.

The waiter giving us special attention (which we giggled over because we seemed really ‘hi-fi’ to him), pretending to be aloof of the people staring at while stuffing food in their faces (yeah, here too) and just the fact that we fitted as friends so well made me realize that lavish three course meals or gifts on birthdays and polite conversations about tv shows and movies cant ever replace what we just shared.

I haven’t felt so close to her in a while now and yesterday just made me wonder why I wasted 6 years fighting with her every now and then..

Next year when I fly off to college some thousand miles away the only thing I will miss to death is her.  

And the one hundred and twenty five rupees.

The Aafia who is changing my life. Not Siddiqui.

Last night when i sat down with my parents and their 'intellectual' friends for coffee, I felt mature. I felt that I wasn’t just a kid for them anymore. I saw their awed faces when I quoted Marx and Weber like they were my buddies from kindergarten. And I owe it all to one teacher who is now the only reason I do not crib about waking up for 8am Sociology. 

It saddens me to see that out of the 30 odd people in that class, most of them dont know the first thing about sociology. If I call them stupid, it would be an understatement. They do not deserve to be there for an advanced level class.

I’m so sick of looking at people’s expressionless faces. Everytime I speak in class, im glared at because I offend the hijabis and the macho man in my class.

Sometimes I just hate being a part of that class because im so dumbed down by their sheer ignorance.. See what I mean? Dumbed.

I don’t understand how someone can just walk into a class with their preconceived notions on homosexuals, Islam as the best religion on the planet and women who are destined to be subordinate creatures cooking meals and cleaning the house.

I don’t know who to blame for that. 3 generations have lived this way, in cocoon. So im guessing the next 30 to come will do the same, i.e if we arent bombed out by then. 

And then there will always be pests like me, gnawing on that cocoon.

Because right now the only purpose of attending that class is that satisfaction that (hopefully) I shall get when one of them speaks up to contradict me, even if that contradiction means saying you are crazy Anam.

Howzatt?

Everyone's talking about Aisam-Ul-Haq. 

It amuses and saddens me at the same time.

A common man's jumma prayers tomorrow will probably be for a victory for Aisam. I feel happy because after a long long long time we, as a nation, have something to feel proud of. 

My heart feels a little heavy because ever since I can remember, we've always been brought up to rank cricket above everything else. Any other sport, even if it is hockey, our national sport comes after cricket. Even if that very sport leads us to be termed as a corrupt nation. We still carry the love for cricket in our blood. Maybe many of those who actually follow tennis know him but for me, the common citizen, who was raised with the ABC of cricket and just cricket, it was news.

The guy has been playing professionally since 1998, won many competitions and other things that his Wikipedia page mentions and yet its only after 12 years that we see him as of any importance to the nation. Tennis shall only hit headlines in this country when either Sania Mirza decides to marry Shoaib Malik or now when Aisam's in the finals.

This undermining, bias and just sheer ignorance of the talent within our country is holding us back from reaching the sky. We are a nation filled with skill, talent and most of all dreams, which given a chance can make us an enviable land. But its just that our importance only shows when we are about to make our nation look good in the international media.

All i can say is that i really hope he wins because that would just be the perfect eidee for the nation.

Peace :)

From the benches.

The juniors strutted in today, with their big smiles and perfect hair for their first day.

A few bitch looks here and there. A few we returned a few we ignored.

Air kissing everywhere.

And giggling. How old are you? 12? -__-

Faces that looked at you and turned away because they didn't want the seniors to notice them.

And faces which i just didn’t like much. I think i already hate a few of them.

Even though i have no extreme attachment to my school, it was still my turf since a year. I didnt have to look around for an empty bench or stand till someone called out loud to come to a bench.

So i sat there, on one bench all day. Because the benches are sacred. They determine classes. The seniors and the juniors.

It felt weird.

Maybe because I couldn’t rag them.

But really, it was just because I couldn’t remember my first day. 

I felt a sudden urge to rewind back. Something hit me from inside, because my first day was only a year ago. If that could be forgotten to easily then what will I remember when I leave?

Ambivalence. Right there. This feeling in my stomach. I think that's where my actual, real feelings are or maybe it was just the fries i ate =/

Flick, already!

For some odd reason i thought that after turning 18, my life would magically change. Like Cinderella's! Once the slipper fits she'd be living the perfect life! But I'm still the same. Although, with softer hair because of the eggs smashed on my head. But, nevertheless, I am still the same.

The week before the birthday was shit.

The week after was shit.

And probably the weeks after this week will be shit too.

And now i could list a million things that went wrong. A week before "my big day" to today, a week after it.

But i wont. Because the day that mattered the most was awesome.

I had 3 cakes, 3 different sets of friends all with me that day and everything seemed so perfect!

But when the night ended it really didn't seem like anything was different. And the celebration of turning 18 seemed insignificant.

I was Cinderella in my head again, not wearing the slipper now. Just the clock striking midnight. My cart and horses turned back into a pumpkin and rats.

The bottom line is, one day cant change your life. Turning 18 wont flick a switch in my brain. Even though i really want something to flick.. 

I need my stars to seriously stop vacationing now and come to the rescue when i need them.

So God. Please flick that switch. Soon? Please?

A long time ago, we used to be friends

Your mind does 1000km/h.

A flashback engulfs you.

Those random plans, movies, sheesha bars, dirty jokes, online conversations, passing notes in class and standing up for one another. And most of all, the times that they made you smile. Its all right there in front of you.

You want to smile.

Another wave of nostalgia hits you and all you feel is rage.

All you can remember how they stabbed you in the back.

And that smile never transfers from your brain to your lips.

Its just sad when people you know become people you knew. Its also more sad to see them everyday, walk past them and pretend that you never knew each other. When your acquaintances introduce you to your old friends, it hurts. Maybe not in the painful, self torture way. But it hurts.

To the boys of Sialkot..

Midway through their teenage years, Muneeb and Mughees were the unfortunate souls that were mercilessly beaten up publicly on the 15th of August by at least a dozen men. Their bodies, subjected to horrendous injuries, were then dragged across town. And at last they were hung, in the middle of the town for all to see. Their murderers showed not even a hint of remorse at the heinous crime they had just committed. 

Are we really that inhumane? I am extremely agonized, just by watching those clips on TV, I can’t even imagine what the people standing by were going through - Oh wait, they were all watching the show. It was like a circus is in town for one day only. They watched with eyes wide open and hearts tightly shut. Not only the town people watched, but the police also stood as mere bystanders and did not intervene.

Nobody deserves to die this death. Not even people who have done horrific crimes. We live in a civilized world and we cannot accept this. Our religion doesn’t teach us this; our culture doesn’t teach us this and most of all, humanity doesn’t teach us this! We are not a barbaric nation. I know I speak for the whole of my country. If we cannot be humane, the least we could do is be "good Muslims” and respect the holy month.

I am ashamed to be a part of such a brutal nation. I would be surprised if we ever get to see Mughees and Muneeb's case fought fairly and given justice. The culprits are still at large and the nation grieves over the continuous hardships it is facing. Hearing the minister's promises of hanging the culprits publicly sounds far-fetched. And who knows, the next time, everyone will be careful to avoid public places for beatings. We'll join face-book groups, click attending on the events of protests, tune in to watch the headlines every hour or so. And that's all we can do to show our support unless some official action isn't taken against those murderers.

These are one of the few cases that have come into the limelight, what about those we don’t even hear of. Can their families ever expect to be served justice? It’s already been more than a week now, so another week will pass by, then a month and then a year and then several years. Has this country ever served justice? Not in my 18 years. Then why will it now? We shall all sit and watch the show.. After all it’s every man for himself, isn’t it?

When I smile, tell me some bad news. Before I laugh and act like a fool.

I just got home after watching Peepli Live. Halfway through the movie I had the strangest feeling in my stomach. It was a feeling of remorse and a sudden guilt. The movie just brought up the thought of millions displaced (in my homeland) and the latter of the movie was spent in this feeling of shame eating me up from inside. Conscience-smitten I sat there watching how ironic the world is and the movie's climax didn’t help much.. 

The reason why this one certain movie made me feel this way was because the same situation is being played out in our country right now. I don't want to give out movie details, but this farmer, Natha, who states that he wants to commit suicide, is "supported" by a lot of people mainly for their personal agendas. All this chaos in his life, the sudden spotlight and influence of his statement leads him in this mess. After 3 months, when he's presumed to be dead, nobody cares about what happened to him. He was forced to think about suicide because the government had announced compensations for families whose members commit suicide. After his "death" the family is still living in the worst imaginable conditions and has not gotten a single penny of that compensation. Natha, was forgotten. By the media who made his life a circus, by the political leaders who gave his life so much importance and by the villagers, who told TV channels of his importance to them.

Isn’t this exactly what happens to victims in our society? This climax made me think of all those millions who have been affected. There will come a point where we all will forget about all those who have faced this calamity.

Five years ago when the earthquake happened.. The spirit of brotherhood came alive. Everyone worked so hard to send relief supplies to remote place. But what's happening in their lives now? Are they well settled? Has their life gone back to normal? Our efforts were well directed, but then how did those efforts end? We don’t care now about them do we..? Life went on after a few months of  help help and support we just stopped thinking about them. 

So now what bothers me is that now that we're facing the worst flood in the history of our country.. What will be our next action? Attending a few relief camp help outs, collecting the aid we get and sending them off? What else? What happens after all that is done? That thought never comes up. 

When we light a candle, it enlightens the whole room with its luminance. This candle keeps on burning until two things happen; you blow it out or it burns out completely on its own. Similarly, two things happen with our sudden brotherhood, love for our fellow countrymen and patriotism. Either, we blow it out or we don’t notice the flickering and the flame dies out. So putting this parallel to our awakening and helping out the flood victims, are they going to have the same fate as that of the earthquake victims? I really hope not but that’s where everything ends. Doesn’t it? We all go back to our lives, sit in theatres, watch movies, host grand dinners, have big weddings and just forget about everything else.

Am i really smarter than a fifth grader?

So my neighbor and i are pretty chill. He's the only kid my age in my building and the only one who can take my bullshit on the intercom. So basically, he's like my boi. Yes, boi because 'boy' doesnt sound the same. Oh yeah, this is Ali :)

A year or more ago came into my house a Playstation 2. My daddy very lovingly brought for my sister and  little did he know, my Chinese tv would never accept the Japanese leads to be plugged into it. Talk about economic-technological rivalry o_O

So my Playstation's dabba was finally opened and plugged onto his tv. (which btw, was Japanese. National solidarity much?  -__-  ) I failed at two player Need for Speed, Snowboarding and all these other weird games he had. And he opened the packet of games that my dad also brought for with it. And out of that came an "Are you smarter than a fifth grader?" cd. I challenged him to play, not thinking he'd ever be up for it, but just to hide my embarrassment of owning games like that. (technically if its my sister's, i dont own it right? =/ I hope not)

We played that game for almost 2 hours realizing that his 3As and my 2As and a B really dont matter when it comes to simple staments of true and false about "something carbondioxide something something"

At that point i understood, grades are not really everything in life. To study the text from every book related to your course seems stupid now. This genius neighbor, who gets an A in physics and chemistry couldn't figure out answers to questions about levers and the periodic table.. After getting about more than half of those questions wrong and making a fool out of ourselves, we decided that we really arent as smart as our grades may suggest.

What him, most of us stuck in this age and I are, is just a part of a mass produce of millions that this counrty, and many others are making. Being smart to pass really doesnt seem like a good idea now. Laughing continously on our stupidity reminded me of what 3 Idiots suggested, study to achieve excellence not to be successful. And yeah, we're all running after something that would come to us if we study to learn, rather than study to get those As. If a straight A kid in his 13th year of schooling cannot answer a fifth grade question, its just sad what we all are aiming at in life.

Peace.

A fragment..

So I've been wanting to do this for quite a while now. Get a place where I could really write as much as I want to and about what I want.. And finally I've run out of excuse to put before this. 

I'm your average 18 year old. With not so average dreams and aspirations. I'm loud, aggressive, crazy and mean. I have my days. I would scream, fight, throw my tantrums around and feel as if the worlds crashing around me. But then I'd have better days when i wake up on the right side of the bed and have a good hair day and life would seem perfect!

Oh and one more thing, (This could be taken as a warning, but I've been told that i can be too full of myself at times, so beware.)

I love me. I really do. The whole of my 5ft 3in, 60kg!

I'm a non-conformist. And a very proud one. I am all that I've been asked not to be. I cant follow rules so well. If my teachers are reading this, i never understood compliance and i doubt i ever will.

The reason for starting this blog is to see is it really a "jinn in my head" or there are others who think like me.. Its not common for me to come across people who think like i do and when i do come across more from my side of the universe i become curious to find out how many more of us there might be.. Then i also wonder, how many people are thinking like this? o_O

  

"So if you are out there... please you are not alone"