Friday, August 12, 2011


My brain functions weirdly. It screams out when i can't.
Good screaming. Loud screaming. Angry screaming
Nirvana kinda screaming.. Wrestle Mania kinda screaming.. Stock market screaming.. 
My screaming is not anything psychological or medical just to make sure you know. It gives me that calm that maybe a pothead gets from weed or an alcoholic gets from booze. 

My brain just lashes out and this pain erupts inside. My blood boils and i look away and cry. The adrenaline never gets me to the flight or fight response. Instead, it just gathers in my head. Slowly but surely suffocating every bad cell inside until i'm clean. And i can start over. 

It takes 7 years for your body to replace each cell. And i guess at almost 19 i dont think i can say that I've been cleansed well. The next ones in 2 years. I guess i just need to wait it out.

Sometimes i just dont want to be strong enough to deal with the stuff that makes me want to scream inside.. Because it doesnt make me ordinary. My brain wants to be ordinary at times and not be so mature. I wish i could take it out but for the sake of the people i love, i plaster a smile on my face and go on with whatever life's plan is. Trying to be strong when im not kills me. This tough girl image cant be broken now. I have to be strong because if im not strong, life is gonna screw me over and move on.

In the sacred words of The Killers, 'Its only natural'. 

Isnt it?


  1. To live a happy life, you have to be really strong!
    You know you might me wondering what I know about life but honestly I have experienced a lot of things n i believe you need to be happy, strong and accept that you are gonna get hurt. Its about how to deal with!

    Okay nuff of my philosophy,
    Hi there :D

    Check out my blog :D i hope you like it and follow me n we ll be friends ;) :D

  2. You know it doesnt need to be show strongness for becoming strong from inside.

    Whenever at any situation you take it with a smile or take it with the words that are positive your overall look becomes Cool and inside you have a power developing to be a strong one.

    Anger ' Screaming doesnt make you hard it makes you weak.

    Smile 'Liveliness doesnt makes you soft it makes you strong and healthy :)

    Well i am your new follower. I hope you follow back :)

  3. Ditto Ridx on the first line ..
    Those are phases, and the happiness transforms to sorrow and vice versa ! Its all part of the game .. and I know how we HATE philosophy bcos nothing, nothing works when you're really cerebrally screwed :)
    I see a bit of Coldplay on the right on your blog .. follow it :)
    Went through a couple of more posts .. You write well!

  4. So this is quite late to be replying to .. But i think every comment here has taken up a special place in my heart right now. I was going through a tough time and i think i managed alright.

    Thank you guys! It really means alot that you took time out to read.. The show must go on. And life's a big show only.

    Ridx, i am a fan. love your philosophy girl. We should totally like skype one day. Oh no, creepy. But really, i love how you write. Its feels like from the heart.

    Imad, I am smiling now. Alot more. Theres so much more to life than these petty things that make you mad. Getting to university has made me realize that.

    Cяystal, I had to ctl+c ctl+v your name. But yeah, Coldplay all the waayyyy! :D