Tuesday, August 2, 2011


The past year and a half has been wonderful for me. I had made a promise to myself to regain everything that i had lost. My self-esteem, friends, my sisters love and most of all my parents' trust. And as i stand here today, i feel like all the progress I've made has gone to waste.

I never understood how i got to the point where my honesty would be doubted. But as with all things, it happened in a flash. Remembering it is always like looking through a kaleidoscope. Every turn and every angle of new light causes the reality to change.

The guilt eats you up even when you're not wrong. And because you've wronged the people you love before, your apologies and honestly mean nothing now. Life falls into place eventually, but never does the love come back the way it was. 

I cant help but think that the next 4 years I will be the only one controlling my life and yet I wont be in control. Even though my kaleidoscope will have new colors but a few old ones will always catch a light and look the same as before. 

Reality is only reality when you shut yourself to the prospects of parallels. Every reality is different. Its just a matter of how i want to look at mine at this point in time.

But nothing would ever be the same as before. 

Not me, not them and definitely not my reality.


  1. That is highly interesting. Thou spoke the same things that are bothering my mind.
    Its funny how different people have very similar feelings. Guess the circumstances most of us go through are similar.

    Also Hold tight. In the end nothing matters, no one matters, no one counts, its just you. Visit an orphanage or a place of those underprivileged. You one smile will lighten up their lives, they care. care for those who care for you.
    Once someone looses trust in you its almost impossible to fix it. Instead let someone whom you care about, and who cares about you, trust you.

  2. It's amazing how it takes only one mistake, one blunder to make years of hard work futile.

    I'm an aspiring therapist too. Therapist/foreign minister.

  3. Sometimes, its only you who doesnt matter.. and everyone else does. And it leads to you crumbling beneath the never ending pile of responsibilities. And i think these circumstances are just the average teenager's problems. We all have them but they just come out in different ways.

    My trust baby died. It was a year and a half old. And i didnt even kill it myself. For me its not dead. But for everyone else it is.